Where does one even begin? I’ll start with my pregnancy. From the day I found out we were expecting to the day I birthed our baby girl, I was sick. If I didn’t eat salted top crackers before lifting my head off the pillow, I was running to the bathroom. Next, the birth. This was no easy task let me tell you. I was induced at 8:00a.m. on a Saturday. My hubby and I not so patiently walked around the CBRH until about 4:00 p.m. I started to have contractions that were pretty intense. I had an epidural, but was so numb, I couldn’t feel my contractions anymore, therefore didn’t feel the urge to push. I tuckered myself and baby girl out so much that when she did finally make her arrival, it was the scariest moment of our lives. She wasn’t breathing. While the nurses were tending to our girl, I was hemorrhaging and had 3rd degree tears. Would you believe me if I told you this was the “easy” part? Five days later, we are sent home. I cried all day, everyday for about three weeks. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, I didn’t deserve this baby girl. I didn’t want visitors, I stayed home all day, doors closed and curtains closed. One day, I decided baby girl and I should get a nice bath together. We could sit in the tub and relax and she could lay on my chest and breastfeed. This is when it happened. I had the most horrendous thought that had ever crossed my mind. I thought to myself, why don’t you just slip under the water and put yourselves out of misery. I genuinely thought that was going to make things better for us. This obviously scared the crap out of me so I made an appointment with my family physician. He told me I had a bad case of the baby blues and not to worry about it. My dark thoughts eventually went away but not for a very long time. If you are suffering from postpartum depression, know that you are not alone. You do deserve this baby, you can do this. You need to have time for yourself. You need to find the new you and give it your all! Motherhood is the hardest job, but by far, the most rewarding.